Everything you are about to read is the truth …

An early wake up this first day of 2016 left me a bit adrift.  Too sleepy to start a new book, I rolled around on the floor playing with the dogs before spying a massive, full-colour advertising flyer on the desk supporting a modest stack of real mail. It wasn’t yet daylight when I started flipping through the pages and here’s what I learned written in total freefall mode, no editing:

A handsome cowboy in a black leather Stetson
sells beautiful glass doors on 5th street
somewhere in Southwest Florida.

Two sprites ride on the back of a bronzed alligator
posing in front of silk topiaries.

A cross-eyed cartoon caricature of a carpenter’s saw
throws a red-tongued raspberry and ambulates
in over-sized running shoes.

Docks and pilings can be restored by a blond
German Shepherd clad in scuba gear, goggles,
a custom four-legged wetsuit and flippers.
References available upon request.  

A crawling Gerberish toddler can eat his lunch
off floors so clean.

Home theatre specialists conjure magical
technology consultants crowned in black top hats.

A red-headed woodpecker clings to an
endless variety and shapes of architectural
foam guaranteed against woodpecker damage.

A pick axe insert smashes, but doesn’t shatter,
the glass pane of hurricane protection –
two motors free or $400 off!

Sparky, a bright yellow light bulb wearing
a red baseball cap, holds a yellow lightning bolt in one
white-gloved hand and a yellow, ten-to-two frozen
alarm clock in the other – NOW HIRING.

A skeletal fish named Dry as a Bone boasts
breakthrough technology in paver sealing; and
the Grill Guys wear helmets to clean your grill.

Dogs and cats are the only reasons to
Forget the Rest and Call the Best to
clean your carpets.

Little blue, silicone men dangle on
little blue swings and ladders to
clean your gutters.

A full-page woman’s bikini clad crotch sells
pool packages while a red Starfish nibbles at her navel.

And … if you Go Green, the guys who care
promise to turn our little blue planet
into a blotchy and pitted lime.


2016HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL and may you really, really surprise yourself in 2016!